Dear Loyal Employees,
Gossip in the airline workplace erodes safety. It is especially concerning when it involves the leadership of one of our country’s principal carriers.
Unfortunately, a private letter has come across my desk. I did not ask for it. I have read it four times for accuracy. Its contents are juicy and titillating, and they may pull our attention from running safe operations, so I must address it directly, particularly the part involving a baby.
This letter has been circulated on the inter-webs and social media, and has also appeared in our passenger-facing apps in place of boarding passes. This has caused incalculable embarrassment to leadership and is very damaging to our workplace culture, which is built on trust and, when possible, transparency. I have attached the letter below, as this doesn’t involve me personally.
We have launched a full investigation to determine who leaked this letter, which was meant for the CEO’s eyes only. We consider this invasion of privacy a terminable offense and may seek prosecution to the fullest extent of the law.
Further circulation of this letter is shameful and unbecoming of an airline employee. Please view the attached copy only to help us prevent future leaks of the scandalous escapades of our executive leadership, who are just human beings, too. Also, it is clear from this letter that this CEO was taken advantage of.
If you have any information that could help us identify the person responsible, please contact my office immediately. Your identity will be protected as much as possible.
Respectfully,
The Aluminum Lady
Here are the contents of the letter:
Dear Mr. CEO,
I waited for you in the concourse after the employee appreciation pizza party ended, but they whisked you away before I could catch you and say some of the things I’ve been wanting to tell you. I know this is the way it is when you’re so very powerful.
You’re the reason why I continue to put my uniform on every day, wear the special company-loyalty pin you said makes me look pretty, and work until the company says I am done no matter how many hours over the federal limits that may be. These are just some of the things that make the direct relationship we share so special.
I read about all of your bonuses and stock sales online and your cute humblebrags on Instagram always make me smile. Some people begrudge you for being so successful and accuse you of just getting rich off the backs of hard-working employees, but I know you care, even if it doesn’t show in our paychecks, healthcare, or the gaslit culture you’ve lovingly cultivated here.
I know you’re busy, but I also wanted to let you know that our baby is doing well and growing like a weed. I know we have to be discreet, but I also thought you’d want to know, even though you’ve never asked.
I’ve got to fly off now because I am being rescheduled yet again onto another adventure.
I’ll write you again soon.
Sending you cloud kisses,
Scarlett
